Holding on and letting go

"You cannot always be torn in two." Frodo Baggins

It’s New Year’s Eve, and I’m thinking again about what my goals should be and what my life will be like in 2011. Change is imminent for many people close to me whose life changes will affect mine. 

In three days, my two college boys will leave for school; in the same week my dear friend of over 20 years will move to Southern California; six weeks later my daughter will leave for her 18-month mission in New Zealand. Other changes, though not quite as clearly marked, have been ongoing and will also affect next year. My mother-in-law, once the lively hub of our extended Perry family, has had a series of strokes and is now content to be waited on almost entirely. Her husband, once the quiet, independent patriarch who now shoulders all the caregiving, accepts with alacrity any offer of help.

Navigating these changes puts me in the peculiar position of trying to strike a balance between holding on and letting go. These tensions seem even more fitting today since, with the ticking of the clock, I will let go of one year and begin to embrace the new one. I want to hold on to relationships, but I recognize change can also help relationships grow. I need determination to hold on to good habits, but perhaps I need even more resolve to identify and let go of the bad ones.

At the end of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Frodo decides not to return to the Shire. When Sam, his dear and loyal friend with whom he has shared intense adventures for more than a year, realizes they will be parting ways, Frodo both consoles and counsels him, “Don’t be too sad, Sam. You cannot be always torn in two. You will have to be one and whole, for many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be, and to do.” 

Like Sam, when I try to simultaneously hold on and let go, I feel torn in two. So, I hope I’ll have the courage to let go of what I must and the wisdom to hold on to what I should so I can be “whole" and so I can enjoy all the new year has to offer and so I can be and do all I need to. Just as Sam took comfort in the silent company of his friends Merry and Pippin when Frodo left, I can begin my year by taking comfort in the family and friends I still have near.