Surrounded by old friends

It's healthy to keep friends nearby

I was only half kidding when I said Mom might love her furniture more than her own children. When it came time to downsize, she was torn up for months about having to part with her precious pieces. “Some people just need their things around them,” my sister tried to explain. (She would know.) Hearing that helped me appreciate Mom’s dilemma better, and I realized, of course, that she’d invested decades collecting and refinishing her antiques, but it wasn’t until I pressed Mom a little more that I finally understood why she was so attached to her possessions.

“They’re like my friends,” she explained. “I spent hours and hours taking off layers and layers until I finally got down to something really beautiful. People are like that. Sometimes you have to spend a long time getting beneath the surface, but you can usually find something lovable.”Mom worked hard to create a history with her tables, chairs, and chests, and history is what being an old friend is all about. It’s no wonder she’s anguished over giving up her things.

Here’s a woman who’s been surrounded by friends from the moment she was born. With nine siblings, she had instant friends, then she gave birth to 13 children, some of her best friends. In addition to her aunts and uncles and multiple cousins, her circle of family friends has expanded over time to include in-laws, 78 grandchildren, and, at last count, 103 great-grandchildren. Besides family, Mom’s home has always teemed with friends because she’s determined to get below the “layers” with everyone she meets.

Still, seasons change. At this point, she’s outlived most of her friends—“I don’t even recognize anyone in the obituaries anymore,” she lamented—and we’ve all struggled to know what move was best for her, especially since she so dearly loved her furniture. (One sister and brother-in-law even offered to add a special room to their house so Mom and her furniture could live with them.)

Finally, last week Mom moved into a retirement facility.

During the past year, she’s been staying with different children and has been separated from her things, so it was an emotional reunion when she entered her new place and was greeted by pictures of her family and her favorite pieces of furniture. Fortunately, from the time she moved in, family members have been with her and called every day. Truly, old friends now surround her. When I called the other day to check on her, she sounded so content. “Well, I am happy,” she said, “so spread the word!” In a poetic sort of way, her life seems to have come full circle. Now in her nineties, she lives just a block or two from where her first childhood home stood. 

When life moves on and we’ve passed through its busy seasons, don’t we all hope to still be surrounded by old friends, whatever or whoever those friends may be? My mom is one lucky lady.