Paint, pie crust, and parentage

The pie-crust gene skipped me

I’m dreading it, again. Another paint job looms in our near future. We’re remodeling our bathroom, which is awesome, but now we have to repaint it. Unfortunately, after being a homeowner for almost 25 years, my painting skills are still dreadful. Oh, I’ve learned a few tricks (only get the bottom half of the brush wet, tape the edges first, and always use a dropcloth—no matter what). But I’m still messy. Very messy.

I think it’s genetic. My husband lovingly attributes my speedy way of doing things to my "Tanner zest.” No matter how hard I try to be neat when I paint, I still splash and splatter, drip and drop. Every paint job is an exercise in being patient with myself and forgiving my mistakes. 

I wish genes would work in my favor. Evidently, some of the good ones skipped a generation. At least they skipped over me. Making pie crusts, for example, is an art my mother perfected early in life. She could whip out a pie crust in nothing flat. In fact, because she was so speedy, making the filling for her signature lemon cream pies slightly annoyed her. Standing still at the stove was torture to her, so she usually roped one of us kids into stir-stir-stirring until the filling got thick. 

Mom pie-crust tricks were no secret. "Use very cold water," she'd say, "then add it slowly, stir with a fork. Most importantly, don’t handle the dough too much!" 

I’ve tried and tried to follow her instructions and replicate Mom’s flaky crusts. You would think all those years of my hanging around her kitchen would count for something! But even private tutoring from my expert baker friend using her failproof crust recipe hasn't helped me overcome my bad genes. 

Alas, my pie crusts are still tough. I can’t make them look deceptively delicious either because I’ve never been able to master that pinching-and-crimping thing around the crust’s edges that seasoned cooks seem to do with ease.

So, I’m resigned to eating store-bought pies. I mean, who needs delicious homemade pies anyway? And painting? Well, there’s always someone willing to put on a second coat, right?