Beyond glue guns and kitschy crafts

Everyone is better off with a woman in his or her life

I wanted to throw it away. It was just another failed craft project I did at a women’s church meeting, but being newly married with very few Christmas decorations, I really wanted at least one nice ornament for our tree. Besides, this project seemed so easy. Instead, I was impatient and tried to hurry along the glass etching then quickly glue-gunned the ribbon around it, with the end product resulting in a very homemade-looking ornament.

I’ve hung on to that decoration, which was the beginning of a long string of botched-up craft projects. There was the tole-painted reindeer family, for instance. I glue-gunned the big tail on the baby reindeer and the little tail on the daddy reindeer, and no pulling or twisting could get either tail off. (Glue guns are not my forte.) What’s worse, my tole-painting skills were such that many have mistaken the whole lot of them for a family of mice! Nevertheless, I haul out those critters along with my ornament every Christmas and display them in some little corner to remind me not so much of days filled with ruined handicrafts; no, they remind me how much I need other women in my life.

Even though I’ve attended many-more-a-craft-class since those early young-married years, it’s not the crafts but the conversations that stand out in my memory. My husband will tell you that along with every creation I bring home, I also always bring home a story or two or at least some bit of wisdom from other women in the group. The truth is women have been crowdsourcing for centuries but without the help of modern technology. Put a group of 20 women in a room, and in short order they can compile an excellent holiday-party menu and carry off the party, share a foolproof remedy for diaper rash and organize a babysitting co-op, and tell you where to find the best deals in town and show you how to maximize coupons. But don't be fooled; they aren’t limited to domestic issues. Together, a group of savvy women can also generate a list 10 great books, explain how to get the most out of a 410(k) plan, and teach you how to improve the SEO on your website.

I’ve heard it said (in one of those clever little emails that go viral) that to be both healthy and happy, men should find a woman and a woman should find a girlfriend. In other words, everyone is better off with a woman in his or her life. This counsel seemed right, but I wondered if it was actually true. Sure enough! Studies show women are better off in a myriad of ways when they have strong female relationships. (See “The Girlfriend Instinct – The Value of Female Friendships,” http://womensissues.about.com/od/communityconnection/a/Girlfriends.htm.)

My favorite finding is that being with girlfriends causes us to be bathed in oxytocin, the same wonderful, feel-good drug released when we give birth and nurse our babies. No wonder even craft nights can be such a rush! Jokes aside, our feminine need to hang out with other women is actually quite a serious matter. The study found that “women without strong social ties risk health issues equivalent to being overweight or a smoker.” I’d choose ladies’ nights out over obesity and lung cancer any day!

In my family, we try to get together for annual sisters' retreats. We eat, we laugh, we walk, we play, we learn, we give each other foot massages, and, above all, we talk—almost incessantly. Fortunately, because we tend to steer away from crafts, I have no reminders of failed projects from those gatherings. Instead, I carry countless warm memories of belly laughs and tender talks about private challenges, I treasure loads of good advice, and I have a deeper sense of personal affirmation. Unfortunately, coordinating schedules with 13 busy mothers and grandmothers is tricky, and I can’t always postpone my need to be with other women. So, in the meantime, I keep showing up to craft nights even if it means looking beyond the glue guns and kitschy crafts to bask in the company of women.